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This Is My Brain on Menopause. My boyfriend and I are talking movies. Me: "What's that. Mira Sorvino plays the stripper?"Him: "Marisa. Tomei?"Me: "Did I just. Mira Sorvino'?"My 2. I are on our way to dinner after.

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Me: "You know who. Her: "Who?"Me: "Um, you. Her: "Which one? Hailey?"Pause. Her again. "Martin?"Me: "No, the. Blonde. Number 9."Her: "The blonde. Me: "Well, her!"My 1. I are driving together.

He pulls up a. hip- hop song from his i. Phone. Him: "Mom, name. This is a game we've played since he was in middle school. I. know I've heard this song before.

I scan my memory like a surveillance plane. Nothing. I spin my mental Rolodex, looking for the.

I know. I know. Nothing. I listen for clues in the voice, in the beats, that might help. I hack at the dense jungle of my.

Nothing.)Me: "Can I have a. Him: "I played. this for you yesterday."Me: "Yesterday?"This is my brain on menopause. There is nothing endearing or empowering about what has. There is nothing. I am not a hot- flash mama, a raging harpie or.

I am a woman who has made her living with words and made her. And now my brain is full of holes. It's not just names. It's dates and details and verbal dexterity.

I pause for the right word, something I've done all my life, and the word isn't. Sometimes no word is there. My thoughts get lost along the routes of my.

Once sharp and shiny weapons in my mental arsenal feel wrapped in thick. RELATED: It's Not You, It's Perimenopause. I've only felt this way twice before in my life — after the. I remember feeling stunningly dumb during the. The world news skittered across my consciousness like oil on a hot frying. Us Weekly replaced The New Yorker. I watched "Golden Girls" reruns.

I couldn't. wait for pediatrician visits, because he was the only person to whom I had. It was a dark time.

But it passed. The babies got bigger and I climbed out of. They learned to sleep through. I got my brain back. At least I thought that's what happened. RELATED: My Wife Went Through Menopause and All I Got Was Her Sweaty T- Shirt.

Now, at 5. 2 and undisputedly menopausal, I still sleep. What, then, has gummed up so many of my synapses this time. I go looking for answers in the menopause literature — a mountain range. No, I don't want to subscribe to Luminosity. Yes, thanks, I'm. And I'm sure yoga helps — somehow. I don't. want life coaching; I want a diagnosis.

A cure. I dig deeper in search of the science. For years, the. baseline has been that the symptoms of menopause — hot flashes, mood swings and insomnia, in particular — cause a woman's euphemistic "fog." In other words. I locate a nugget of causality in a handful of studies. I learn that pregnant and postpartum women experience "verbal memory.

Could it be estrogen- related? I spot a study of nearly two thousand women that says a cognitive drop during.

Estrogen? Another study. Estrogen! Do estrogen receptors in the brain pass along their. I find myself dreaming of a little. Viagra. Got pink?

You're damn right I do. It's a heady dream, but that's all it is for now. Meanwhile. if my hormone levels do turn out to be the perpetrators of this cognitive crime. I have on the other side? A pregnant woman gets her brain back. Have I checked my wit and acuity forever at menopause's door? There's a word. for how I feel, but I can't think of it right now.